Here’s to the last of my 20s

Well well…

No idea how this happened but half a year has passed in a flash. I never thought I’d experience even more whirlwind of emotions in this pandemic situation but I did.

It’s been quite a crazy first half, with people coming and going, and me trying to challenge my physical limits. This whole social interaction is a whole new construct, with the virus dictating group sizes and who we can or cannot meet.

I’m thankful to have had a wonderful 1H so far, managed to still have fun and kept sane in the midst of this madness. Eternally grateful for a bunch of supporting mates alongside this journey called life with me.

I also wanted to document this ahead of my birthday tomorrow, because I felt growth and so much awareness, and frustration during this period.

As you grow older, you start realizing that truly, no man is an island. I’ve focused so much on my own growth in the past year but these past weeks have been truly awakening. I’m now at the stage where I need to also bring everyone along on this journey. At work or in my personal life, I am feeling very overwhelmed – because so many people are depending on me to deliver.

That said, I’m not complaining, I’m just feeling vulnerable at this moment because I am tired and I want to record this moment to remind myself I can get through this.

There were two instances today within an hour span when I almost broke down.

The second incident is what broke me, not to mention my physical exhaustion from lack/poor sleep due to stress at work. A director asked me out of the blue moon why I had overwhelmed a newcomer and gave her so much work on her very first on boarding day. I was caught by surprise, and I felt hurt, accused all at the same time. I didn’t really know how to defend myself and it affected me.

After giving it bit of thought on the toilet seat, I decided I wasn’t going to leave without thrashing things out.

During my chat, I found out she didn’t mean to wrong me, but was merely passing a remark to clarify things. I was also able to provide my point of view and she assured me it wasn’t my approach but to get me to think of all sides of the coin. As I was too focused on the task and on mentoring the junior, I was blindsided and overlooked how I was overwhelming her.

I am so thankful for her candid and frank feedback as I knew she meant the best for me. I’m also so proud of myself for making a u-turn to go back and have that difficult conversation – because it provided me the opportunity to grow and learn.

Now on reflecting the incident, I think I can answer this question that has just been posed to me, “What kind of manager would you like to be?”

Fairness. Fairness by giving and actively listening, and looking at both sides of the coin at all times.

Happy almost birthday, me.

Love,

Olivia L.

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